When Boundaries Are Crossed. What To Do To Depart An Abusive Relationship


The most dangerous time in an abusive relationship is likely to be when the victim leaves or tries to leave. Each case should be thoroughly examined for risk and include a safety plan. The safety plan should include a plan of escape including a destination. It should be quick and executed on when it is least expected. Determine the domestic violence resources in your area or the area you intend to relocate in. Set aside a cash reserve or make arrangements with friends and family for financial assistance. Do not put your plans in writing where they may be uncovered by your abuser. Have an extra set of keys so you cannot be denied the use of your vehicle. Identify (if you are able) and remove valuables ahead of time.


What About Domestic Violence Restraining Orders?


Apply for a restraining order. While the order is not a guarantee of your safety, it has proven effective in deterring abusers and heightening law enforcement response when necessary. Carry a certified copy of your order with you at all times. Give copies to neighbors along with a picture of the abuser. Ask your neighbors to call law enforcement if they fear for your safety. Advise the children’s schools who is and is not allowed to pick up the children. Provide the school with a copy of the order. If the order is violated, call the police. Keep a charged cell phone preprogrammed with the number for local law enforcement.


Change your routine. If necessary change your job and area of residence. Reschedule any classes or appointments your abuser is already aware of. Shop at different stores and frequent different social spots.

Change your telephone number and be cautious as to whom you give the new number. Consider enrolling in California’s confidential address program “Safe at Home.”


While many break-ups will not require such extreme measures, unfortunately some do and will. The ability to successfully escape depends upon planning, preparation and taking control of the situation. The resources are there to help.


If you or someone you know needs supportive resources for domestic violence please find the below list of resources:

Domestic Violence Hotline and Supportive Resources

Child and Family Center Domestic Violence Program 24 Hour Hotline: (661) 259-4359

Haven Hills Domestic Violence Agency 24 Hour Hotline: (818) 887-6589

The National Domestic Violence Hotline 24 Hour Hotline: (800) 799-7233 or text START to 88788

The National Domestic Violence Hotline List of Resources for Local Providers 

Domestic Violence Legal Resources

LA Superior Court Self-Help Center  (213) 830-0845

LACBA Domestic Violence Legal Services Project 

LevittQuinn Family Law Center (213) 482-1800

Harriett Buhai Center for Family Law (213) 388-7515

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