My ex is SUCH a #%$#!!@%. This sentiment can be heard across the nation as families trudge through the murky waters of divorce.
Why? Because people are overwhelmed with frustration and anger, thinking that things are unfair, overwhelming, and out-of-control. Welcome to divorce. Good news. YOU can change your situation and start to separate yourself from the garbage and begin investing in a great, new life for yourself, and your children.
How? Work on YOU every single day. Every area of your life deserves time and attention. When you improve, your situation does too. Define what you want. Write details down. Now, come up with three things that you need to do daily to get you moving toward your goal. (Really, go get a pen and paper and start making changes TODAY!)
What if my ex is so awful, there is nothing I can do? NON-SENSE. There is a LOT you can do for you, your home, and your children. When you stay angry and bitter you give your power away. Instead, take your power back by looking at WHY this situation is in your life. If a situation keeps appearing in your life, it is a lesson you still need to learn. Is the lesson here to teach you that you need to address the chaos you have allowed in your life? Do you need to work on your ego and pride that has always held you back from having close relationships? Overcoming these obstacles, you learn that you are stronger than you ever knew and more capable than you ever realized. Put a new spin on how you look at your current struggles. Take time to look inside yourself and the answers are there. It requires patience, acceptance, compassion, commitment and action to change, but wow, it is worth every ounce of energy, time, and effort you invest in your personal growth. You deserve a great life filled with positivity, love, and fulfillment.
In addition to the freedom and happiness you will create by working on your emotional issues, a greater reason to change is if you have children. In these cases, you are teaching your children how to be in relationships. You are writing their life script for who they will choose to marry, how they will be treated, and how they will treat others. Your life choices today affect your children’s lives forever. Children are always the silent observers absorbing all the spoken and unspoken things you say and do. Take action.
1. Seek professional help to deal with your issues so that they don’t bleed into your child’s emotional world.
2. Get positive support daily. Steer clear of negative people. Misery likes company, and it is easy to get drawn in to a destructive cycle when you surround yourself with negative people.
3. Get help for your kids and find a safe place for them to express themselves (like a divorce support group or individual therapy).
4. Change your environment and put yourself in a good mood by exploring positive and healthy recreational activities.
5. Go serve someone else. Teach your children that they are here not just to get things in life, but they can be taught to give back. Serving others changes everything. Try it and you will see what I am talking about.
CHILDREN ARE ALWAYS HURT IN THE LONG RUN IF THEIR PARENTS DON’T FIND A WAY TO GET ALONG. It is best if you encourage them with action to respect and love both parents. Control yourself. You may think you are winning when you succeed in tearing down your ex, but you aren’t. The reality is you are hurting your children. You think you are affecting your former spouse when really you are delivering a toxic dose of poison to your children. Decide to change. You are worth it. Your children are worth it. Your children’s children will thank you. TAKE ACTION NOW.
Licensed Psychotherapist Dilyse Diaz, has a private practice in Santa Clarita, California. She is an appointed Special Master of the Superior Courts for high-conflict divorce cases. Dilyse is the author of the easy to read and powerful to apply book, The Do’s and Don’ts of Divorce—How to keep your sanity, protect your children, & live in peace. Dilyse may be contacted at DilyseDiaz.com or 661-904-0113. LLicense MFC#37656