How To Set Boundaries And Co-parent In The High Conflict Divorce


The high conflict dissolution can be wrought with hostility, custody battles, allegations of abuse, restraining orders, frequent court hearings and parental alienation. The more common issues in these kinds of divorces are: financial problems, parenting issues, unresolved emotional issues, third-party romantic relationships, and assertion of power and/or control in the relationship.


When it comes to the issue of co-parenting, it is highly important that parents learn to set healthy boundaries. It is in the best interests of the children to avoid these conflicts and, at the very least, to remove them from any showing of hostility and/or derogation between parents.


So how can parents make efforts toward minimizing the hostility and conflict? One thing they can do is set boundaries with the other parent. Don’t involve the other parent in your personal life and don’t get involved in theirs. Once separated, you are no longer responsible for that other person’s life or feelings. It is a difficult transition, but one that parents must consciously make in order to move forward as well as to effectively co-parent as individuals, rather than as a married couple.


Another good idea is to have a parenting plan in place which works for both parents and the minor children. It is better to stick to the schedule than to deviate from it as this can lead to more conflict. Try to plan your personal schedule around the parenting plan rather than vice versa.


Finally, try to work on unresolved issues that may be causing problems and learn to autonomously deal with and understand your frustration and emotional pain and/or anger.


Develop a strategy to make decisions and resolve disagreements that will certainly arise during your many years of co-parenting. It may be helpful to use a mediator or therapist to help you as needed.


You should also maintain your financial and parenting agreements. When something isn’t working the way it should, first try to see what you can personally change to resolve a potential conflict. Looking to or blaming the other parent will lead to more arguments than resolutions.

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