Stay-at-Home Parent Divorce: Custody, Support, and Property Rights

Whether you’ve decided to divorce or the decision was made for you by the other parent, when you are the traditional “Stay-at-Home Parent”, you may be concerned about several issues as you navigate through the divorce process. The first step is to consult with an attorney. An attorney will ensure your rights regarding custody, visitation, support, and access to property are protected.

Custody and Visitation Schedules

The first issue you typically need to prepare for is determining a custody and visitation schedule with the other parent for the minor children. As the “Stay-at-Home Parent”, you are most likely the one who handles the day-to-day tasks and requirements for the children, such as communication with teachers and helping with homework, taking the children to medical and dental appointments, caring for them when they are home sick from school, handling food preparation and other daily routine activities, as well as facilitating their participation in religious and/or extracurricular activities.

It can be emotionally difficult to give up some of these customary tasks, even part of the time, that you view as a part of your identity. However, you must remember that children need both parents in their lives, and the other parent will likely step up during their time with the children. You will need to work with the other parent to agree on how the children will be raised going forward, as well as create a schedule outlining where the children will be, including days and times, based on what is in their best interest, not yours.

In California, custody is divided into two categories: legal custody (the right to make important decisions about the child’s upbringing, education, healthcare, and religion) and physical custody (where the child lives and spends time). Courts may award joint custody or sole custody depending on the circumstances. Parenting plans and visitation schedules are typically created through negotiation, mediation, or by court order if parents cannot agree.

Child Support and Spousal Support

Another issue you need to resolve after the schedule is set is determining the proper child and spousal support amounts. The state provides guidelines for child support, based on your respective incomes and the amount of time the children spend with each of you. The court also has guidelines for temporary spousal support to maintain you at the same “level” as during the marriage.

The working parent may become resentful about paying you to stay home with the children. It’s likely the working parent will ask the court to reduce the support you receive by either:

• Asking for more time with the children, and/or
• Asking for you to be imputed income based on your ability to earn, even if you aren’t yet working.

As a “Stay-at-Home Parent”, you may be ordered by the court at some point to make an effort to become self-supporting. If you’ve been married long-term (ten years or more) and think this is an impossible task, that may be the case. However, so long as you make an effort to look for full-time employment that costs less than what it would take to cover childcare, then you are meeting your burden.

California courts evaluate spousal support under Family Code Section 4320, which lists factors such as the length of the marriage, the standard of living established during the marriage, the age and health of each spouse, and the supported spouse’s marketable skills. Long-term marriages (lasting over ten years) may qualify for open-ended spousal support; however, courts still expect the supported spouse to make reasonable efforts toward self-sufficiency whenever possible.

Property Division and Financial Considerations

These two examples are often the most pressing concerns for Stay-at-Home Parents, but issues surrounding the disposition of the family home, retirement, and other property also become major factors in the divorce process. Community property and separate property rules can make this process complex. Assets such as the family residence, retirement accounts and pensions, savings, investments, and even business interests must be carefully reviewed and divided fairly under California family law.

Debts, such as mortgages, credit cards, and loans, must also be allocated between the spouses. Courts strive for an equal division of community property, but disputes often arise over property valuation, hidden assets, or separate property claims. Retirement plans, for example, frequently require a Qualified Domestic Relations Order (QDRO) to divide benefits correctly. A skilled attorney ensures these technical issues are properly addressed so your financial stability is protected.

Tax implications also play a significant role in divorce settlements. Since 2019, spousal support is no longer tax-deductible for the paying spouse or taxable to the receiving spouse under federal law. Child support is never deductible or taxable. These realities should be factored into negotiations and long-term financial planning.

Mediation and Alternatives to Litigation

Litigation is not always the only option. Many stay-at-home parents benefit from mediation or collaborative divorce, where both spouses work with neutral professionals to resolve disputes outside the courtroom. Mediation can help you and the other parent craft customized custody schedules, agree on support amounts, and divide property more efficiently and cost-effectively. Courts often require parties to attempt mediation before proceeding to trial in custody disputes, underscoring its importance in the process.

Vocational Evaluations and Career Reentry

Courts sometimes require a stay-at-home parent to undergo a vocational evaluation to determine earning capacity. This evaluation examines your education, work history, job skills, and available job opportunities in your area. It also weighs the costs of childcare against potential earnings.

Even if you have been out of the workforce for years, courts may expect some effort toward self-support. Preparing for this reality early in the divorce process helps you avoid surprises and ensures you have a plan in place. If your potential income is less than the cost of full-time childcare, courts may find continued stay-at-home parenting reasonable.

Enforcement and Post-Judgment Issues

Even after a divorce judgment is entered, disputes may arise. Common post-judgment issues include:

• Non-payment of child support or spousal support
• Denial of visitation rights
• Requests for modification of custody or support due to job loss, relocation, or health changes

California law allows enforcement through wage garnishment, contempt proceedings, or other legal remedies. It is crucial for stay-at-home parents to recognize that custody and support orders can be modified if circumstances undergo significant changes.

Health Insurance and Future Planning

Stay-at-home parents often rely on spousal health insurance during the marriage. After a divorce, you may qualify for COBRA coverage or need to secure an individual health plan. Long-term financial planning should also account for retirement savings, pension rights, and potential Social Security benefits, taking into consideration the length of the marriage.

Psychological and Emotional Considerations

Beyond the legal and financial aspects, divorce impacts a stay-at-home parent’s sense of identity. Many parents struggle with the loss of their daily caregiving role during shared custody. Anxiety about finances, stress over career reentry, and concern about how children will adjust to new routines are common.

Therapy, support groups, and co-parenting education programs can help ease this transition. Courts often view parents more favorably when they take proactive steps to foster cooperation and minimize conflict.

Special Considerations

Certain circumstances make divorce more complex for stay-at-home parents. These include:

• Children with special needs who require consistent caregiving and structured support.
• Domestic violence cases where custody and safety orders are intertwined.
• Relocation disputes are governed by Family Code Section 7501, which allows custodial parents to move with children unless it would prejudice their welfare.

Each of these scenarios requires tailored legal strategies to protect parental rights and ensure the best interests of the children.

FAQs for Stay-at-Home Parents in Divorce

Do courts favor stay-at-home parents in custody cases?

Courts focus on the “best interest of the child.” While a stay-at-home parent may have historically spent more time with the children, courts also consider each parent’s ability to provide a stable environment going forward.

Can a stay-at-home parent keep the family home?

Possibly. Courts may award the family home to the parent with primary custody, but financial realities—such as mortgage payments and buyouts—play a significant role in the decision.

Will I be required to work after divorce if I’ve been a stay-at-home parent?

Not always immediately. However, courts may order you to make reasonable efforts toward self-support, particularly if childcare costs are manageable compared to your earning capacity.

How is spousal support determined for a stay-at-home parent?

Temporary spousal support is typically calculated with guideline formulas, while long-term support is based on factors such as the length of marriage, lifestyle during the marriage, and each spouse’s ability to earn.

How long does spousal support last in California?

For marriages lasting less than ten years, spousal support typically lasts for half the length of the marriage. For marriages lasting ten years or more, courts may order support without a fixed end date, subject to modification.

What if my spouse wants to modify child support or custody later?

Either parent can petition the court for modifications if there is a significant change in circumstances, such as a job change, relocation, or altered childcare needs.

Do stay-at-home parents receive part of their retirement accounts?

Yes. Retirement accounts earned during the marriage are considered community property and are typically divided equally, often through a Qualified Domestic Relations Order (QDRO).

Get Legal Help from Reape Rickett

Divorce is overwhelming, especially for stay-at-home parents facing financial, emotional, and legal challenges. The attorneys at Reape Rickett understand the unique concerns you face and can help protect your rights in matters involving custody, support, and property division.

Call Reape Rickett today to schedule a confidential consultation and receive guidance tailored to your situation.