Coping with Divorce and Family Dissolution

As most adults (and many of their children) are aware, dissolutions of marriage can inflict heavy, sometimes immobilizing, emotional pressure on family members. Often, one, some, or even all of the family members will experience emotions ranging from rage to depression.

I do not have, nor do I claim, any academic or professional training in psychology. Still, I do have significant professional and personal experience in the area of marital dissolution and its impact on the family. Here are three common-sense, intuitive self-improvement measures that families can undertake, from parents to younger children, to have a positive influence on their daily lives.

1. Get Physical: The Role of Exercise and Activities

First, increase exercise and fun activities. Adults can enjoy the improved self-image and release of endorphins derived from a good workout at a local gym or health club. Most of these establishments are available to the public at a rate of anywhere from $20 to $40 per month, with some offering family packages that reduce the cost of adding your older teenagers.

Younger children in most parts of the San Fernando, Santa Clarita, Conejo, and Simi Valleys, as well as other localities, have YMCA and Los Angeles County Parks and Recreation programs available for very low or no cost, including sports, dance, crafts, and other entertaining activities.

Luckily, along with community-based activities and programs, many school districts have after-school and weekend athletic, dance, theater, cinema, art, debate, and science clubs, which our older children and teenagers can join. These programs not only give them involving, fun, educational, and constructive outlets for their mental and physical energies, but they also bring together old and new friends who often share many of the same family problems and challenges. This provides our children with an avenue for emotional self-expression and sharing that can be cathartic and, in many cases, relieve the loneliness and sense of isolation that teenagers often experience.

Why Physical Health Supports Emotional Stability in Divorce

Exercise is not only beneficial for physical well-being, but it is also strongly linked to mental health. The American Psychological Association has found that regular physical activity reduces anxiety, improves mood, and helps people manage stress more effectively. For children, structured activities such as team sports or creative clubs provide a sense of belonging at a time when their family life may feel fragmented. For parents, physical exercise can serve as a healthy outlet for processing emotions and reducing conflict during custody negotiations.

2. Grow Spiritually: Finding Strength Beyond the Legal Process

Spiritual exploration and enrichment can also provide much understanding and comfort to the confused and frustrated members of a divorcing family. Everything, from religious sects to “New Age” metaphysical books, seminars, retreats, churches, and other groups, exists that offers open access to adult and older teenage members of the family in conflict.

While dissolution of marriage and paternity-based litigation are a common part of modern society, family-based disbanding and disputes, in one form or another, have been part of human society from the beginning. The wisdom and experience of thousands and thousands of years can be tapped into to guide our maturation beyond our present challenges.

Expanding Spiritual Coping Tools

Spirituality can be expressed in many forms. Some families rely on prayer and religious practice, while others turn to meditation, mindfulness, or yoga. These practices foster patience and resilience, qualities that reduce hostility in co-parenting arrangements. Courts often encourage cooperative behavior, and spiritual grounding can help parents comply with custody orders and resolve disputes without escalating to litigation.

3. Stay Healthy Mentally: Professional Guidance Matters

Finally, with the increasing frequency of family dissolutions in our modern society, the medical and psychological communities have developed, educated, and trained an army of caring and experienced family counselors and therapists. These sensitive and deeply committed professionals can assist in moderating, if not alleviating completely, many of the tensions and stresses separating the members of a legally divided family.

As with the other channels of self-improvement and discovery discussed above, the psychology community offers a wide spectrum of individual, group, and institutional resources to the public at an affordable cost range, from very low-income providers to those catering to high-end clientele. As complicated as modern life has become, a family should never deprive itself of the wealth of knowledge and help available from these dedicated counselors and therapists.

Legal Context of Therapy and Counseling

In California, the family court system may require divorcing parents to participate in mediation, co-parenting classes, or child custody evaluations. Judges may appoint professionals such as parenting coordinators or guardians ad litem to represent the best interests of the child. Therapy records or compliance with counseling requirements can influence custody outcomes, making it important for families to engage with licensed providers such as Licensed Marriage and Family Therapists (LMFTs).

4. Understanding Legal and Procedural Realities

Divorce is both an emotional and a legal process. Failing to address the legal aspects can worsen family stress and prolong conflict.

Custody and Visitation

California courts apply the “best interests of the child” standard when determining custody. Parents who demonstrate emotional stability and a willingness to support their child’s relationship with the other parent are more likely to receive favorable custody arrangements. Parents should also be aware that noncompliance with custody orders can result in enforcement actions, loss of visitation rights, or contempt of court.

Child Support and Spousal Support

Child support is calculated using statewide guidelines that take into account both parents’ incomes, the amount of time spent with the child, and other relevant financial factors. Spousal support may be awarded temporarily or permanently, depending on the length and financial disparity. Families should understand that support obligations can be modified if there is a substantial change in circumstances, such as job loss, medical issues, or relocation.

Mediation Versus Litigation

Mediation offers families an opportunity to resolve disputes more collaboratively and at a lower cost. Litigation, while sometimes necessary, can heighten conflict and emotional distress. Many families find that mediation reduces the adversarial nature of divorce, allowing parents to retain more control over the outcome.

Procedural Timelines

• A divorce in California generally takes at least six months from the date of filing to become final.
• Custody evaluations can take several weeks to months, depending on the court’s schedule.
• Court-mandated co-parenting classes are often required before final custody orders are issued.

5. Financial Planning During Divorce

Finances are one of the most stressful aspects of marital dissolution. Beyond child and spousal support, families must address:

• Division of property and debts under California’s community property laws.
• Protecting retirement accounts and long-term savings.
• Preserving college funds and educational accounts for children.
• Budgeting for counseling, therapy, and new housing arrangements.

Proper planning not only reduces conflict but also provides stability for children transitioning into new family dynamics.

6. Building Stronger Support Networks

Families coping with divorce benefit greatly from strong support systems. This may include extended relatives, close friends, school counselors, community organizations, or religious institutions.

Community Resources in California

• County mental health programs are offering low-cost counseling.
• Nonprofit organizations providing group therapy and legal aid.
• Family law facilitators are available in most California courts to assist with paperwork.
• Co-parenting apps such as OurFamilyWizard and TalkingParents, which courts may recommend or require to improve communication.

These networks reduce isolation and provide stability in areas where family members may feel most vulnerable.

FAQs: Coping with Divorce and Family Dissolution

How long does a divorce take in California?

On average, a California divorce cannot be finalized in less than six months from the date the petition is filed and served. Complex cases involving custody evaluations or property division may extend beyond this timeline.

What if a parent refuses to comply with visitation orders?

The parent may face enforcement measures, including making up for missed visitation time, fines, or even modification of custody orders. Courts expect both parents to support the child’s relationship with the other parent unless there are safety concerns.

Are there free or low-cost counseling options in California?

Yes. Many counties offer mental health programs with sliding-scale fees, and nonprofit organizations provide group counseling. Some family courts also maintain referral lists for affordable providers.

Can therapy or counseling affect custody decisions?

Yes. Parents who actively participate in counseling and demonstrate emotional stability may be viewed more favorably by the court. Compliance with court-ordered counseling is often required before final custody decisions are made.

What financial steps should families take during divorce?

Parents should review their budgets, protect retirement accounts, and ensure child support obligations are managed appropriately. Planning ahead prevents future disputes and ensures children’s needs are consistently met.

Get Legal Help for Your Family

Navigating a divorce requires striking a balance between emotional resilience and legal responsibility. Families that engage in exercise, spirituality, therapy, and strong community networks often experience healthier transitions. At the same time, protecting your rights in custody, support, and property matters requires the expertise of experienced legal guidance.

The attorneys at Reape Rickett combine decades of experience in California family law with a compassionate approach to supporting families. Whether you are facing custody disputes, financial concerns, or need assistance complying with court requirements, our team can guide you through every step.

Contact Reape Rickett today to schedule a consultation and protect your family’s future during and after divorce.